Calm
by Nicola Hughes
Summary: You forgive me. I can't forgive myself.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a wee continuation on from Friday 1** **st** **January's episode! Cheers, Nic x**

"Nick, I can't do this. Can you please come back to the flat" Carla asked.

"Yeah, of course. Hey, nothing will change my mind" Nick said confidently.

"I don't know about that" Carla whispered.

"Nick, what I am about to say, I am not at all proud of. I am extremely embarrassed, hence why I have to come clean" Carla said as they sat down, Carla creating a gap.

"Okay, but unless you have killed someone, I think we cn work through this" Nick said, still confident of keeping his fiancée.

"There are actually 2 bad things" Carla said.

"I em, I went to the casino" Carla said as she bowed her head.

"How much?" Nick asked, no sense of hatred in his tone.

"I stopped at £1000" She said as she ever so slightly tilted her head up.

"That's okay Carla. As long as you and Dominic aren't meeting regularly, I can handle this. You are hitting self-destruct and this is just what I have to try and change" He said, ever so slightly moving closer to Carla.

"That's not the worst bit. Nick, before I tell you this, I need you to know this:

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I have prepared myself to be single after tonight but I want you to move on because you deserve it. Nick I will never stop loving you and even when I did what I did, I still never loved anyone else. You Nick, are too good for me and I just have to accept that because I have messed it up"

"Nick, I slept with Robert, your chef this afternoon"

There was about 10 seconds of silence when they both just stared into each other's eyes.

"Why? I am not asking because I am angry, I just want to know what I didn't give you" He asked calmly, still not breaking eye-contact.

"Nick you done nothing wrong. He didn't give me anything you couldn't, in fact, he was nothing compared to you. I wasn't planning to have sex or I would have just called you. I was drunk and he was at the casino too and it just escalated"

"He was rough, you are gentle. He made me feel dirty and worthless; you make me feel clean and alive Nick"

Again, there was another break of silence without breaking eye contact.

"Nick, can you please shout at me or throw a glass or something?" Carla pleaded.

"Why would I do that?" Nick asked.

"Nick, I just slept with someone who isn't my fiancée. How can you even look at me?" Carla replied.

Completely surprising Carla, Nick cornered her on the sofa and passionately pressed his lips against her. Carla reciprocated, assuming this would be her last kiss with the best bloke possible.

The passion continued until Nick moved backwards.

"Do you em, want to borrow a bag to pack your things?" Carla asked a bewildered Nick.

"Are you kicking me out?" Nick asked stunned.

"No but I get the impression that kiss was for sentimental reasons, not for love" She replied.

"Look Carla. I was so out-of-line this morning, telling you what to do, I should have known just to leave you. If I did, this would never have happened, so I deserve a punishment" Nick said calmly.

"Nick, please don't do this. Don't get my hopes up then send my right back down" Carla started to raise her voice.

"Carla will you stop! Stop putting words into my mouth, words that aren't even in my brain!" He started to shout.

"I admit I am starting to get confused" He said once everything had calmed down.

"With what" Carla said softly.

"Us. In particular you" He said.

"What don't you get about me cheating on you Nick?" Carla, again, starting to raise her voice.

"No. Forget all that. This is a simple yes or no question. Do you want to remain engaged?" Nick asked, eye contact had never been stronger.

"Yes" She replied shyly.

"Well why are you trying to kick me out?" He asked.

"I was giving you options" Carla responded.

"Carla, I have one option and that option is for us to carry on" He said as he stood up and made his way towards her.

"A clean slate. Carla, I understand why you did what you did but right now is not the time to go into depth" He said as he gathered her together and held her tight.

 **Please review, I think this is rubbish but I just wanted to upload it x**


	2. Chapter 2

**This was originally a one shot but I received a positive response to continue!**

"I can't believe you risked everything Carla" Michelle said bluntly to her best friend as they were having a drink.

"Well I wasn't planning too was I?" Carla replied.

"I sometimes don't know what goes on in that head of yours" She answered, received by a glare from Carla.

"You of all people Carla, you know what it's like to be cheated on" She added.

"Salt in the wounds Chelle. God I came to you for support" She said.

"What did Nick actually say?" Michelle asked.

"That's what's confusing me. He said he wants to remain engaged" Carla responded as Michelle was a little shocked.

"So why are you here, getting all worried" She replied, bewildered.

"He said he deserved it Michelle. That man deserves nothing of the sort. He's been with me 4 months now and he's went through everything, everything he doesn't deserve. He could and should have any woman yet he sticks with me and then I cheat on him and he says he deserves it" Carla said.

"What are you slavering?" Michelle joked.

"You know, don't be so condescending" Carla snapped.

"You've clearly had too much red, if you use the word "deserves" one more time, Im going give you something you deserve!" Michelle replied sarcastically.

"You know what, I don't need this" Carla stressed as she finished her glass and left the pub.

 **When Carla returned to her empty factory, she got out a pen and paper and rather cowardly, formed a letter to Nick.**

 _Dear Nicky,_

 _I know already you will have a smile on your face because of who've I've addressed this too. I hope your next woman knows how to make you laugh because you deserve it. It's quite funny actually; Michelle has just been saying I use that word to much when I talk about you. How much you deserve everything that I'm not._

 _August, and you officially declared your love for me although we both knew it was long before. All those drunken 'meaningless' kisses, they weren't meaningless to me._

" _She's not you" Those 3 words, I can't begin to describe what they meant to me. I felt something I don't think I'd ever felt, ever. Not even from Liam or Peter. Peter eh? I used to think I could be a hero by saving him. I wasn't near a hero, I was a victim._

 _You, you're a hero and a victim._

 _You're my hero. You saved me from myself and that's a tough task._

 _But you are also my victim. To be honest, you're your own victim. I warned you and I continued to warn you. You should have left while you could have instead of getting hooked to a middle aged woman going through a continual mid-life crisis. I was and still am a broken mess which even with your heroic powers can't fix. You tried hard, you really did darling I'll give you that._

 _December. What a bloudy month. It started all so well. I was blinded by your love, your intoxicating love. It made me throw something right into the deep end. "Nick Tilsley, will you marry me?" God it seems so stupid now. Why I put that amount of pressure on you, I can only apologise. I am so sorry._

 _Then the 'Daddy bombshell'. Johnny Connor. Johnny bloudy Connor. I am better than him though. I made a huge mistake but I admitted it. I know I've done wrong and I can't begin to imagine not telling you. How he kept his secret for 40 years I do not know. 40 seconds and I couldn't wait to tell you. Not like some great achievement, I mean letting you know the truth. I know you know what I mean, you always do._

 _Anyway, sob story over._

 _I know this is an extremely cowardly way to say goodbye but I don't think I could face-to-face. Carla Connor admitting she is being a coward, now there's a first._

 _Im being the hero now Nick. Im saving you from me, for good this time. Im going to leave tonight, head into town and tomorrow I'll fly to LA. Aidan will know by tomorrow as I've left him a note as well. Michelle will know too._

 _Thanks for these past few months Nick. It's been one heck of a roller-coaster but it was well worth the wait. I really do hope you find a terrific woman because here goes again, you deserve it. If it is Leanne again or someone new, I want you to be happy and I will know! I'll have The Weatherfield Mafia turn on you! Seriously though Nick, be happy._

 _That's my biggest regret._

 _Not making you happy._

 _Adios Nicky Boy,_

 _All my love, always,_

 _Carla x_


	3. Chapter 3

**Please leave a review x**

No, no, no. That's all Nick could think as tears were starting to form as he read the letter Carla had left him.

He couldn't contemplate why she had left so suddenly. Obviously it was after her telling him about the encounter with Robert but Nick was sure he had won Carla round.

He couldn't decide what to do as he had no idea where she was in Manchester.

His only hope of saving his engagement was to stop Carla heading to LA.

He headed towards The Rovers to see Michelle and find out if she knew anything more than he did.

"Can we go through the back Michelle?" Nick said the minute he entered the pub, but not so everyone would have heard.

"Yeah" She replied faintly.

"Do you know where she is?" He asked, fairly bluntly.

"She said she had left you a letter?" She replied.

"I know she's heading to LA tomorrow, but I mean do you know where she is right now?" He said, although he kind of knew Michelle wouldn't know.

"I don't Nick, I'm so sorry" She replied, tears forming in her eyes now.

"No I'm sorry Michelle, it's not your fault" He said softly.

"I can't believe her. I thought I made it clear last night that we could work through it?" Nick added, once he and Michelle were in a less heated environment.

"That's Carla though, if she can't handle it, then it doesn't matter if anyone else can" She responded.

"I love her so much" Nick mumbled a little under his breath.

"And she loves you" Michelle stated confidently.

"Why did she do it?" Nick asked rhetorically, in which Michelle just sighed at with Nick as a comfort.

The next morning, after barely a minute of sleep, Nick made his way to Manchester airport, where he was sure Carla would be flying from.

He sat for hours at the Coffee cafe where he could see everyone who walked in.

Nick did start to worry that Carla had either decided not to go or fly from a different airport, until around three in the afternoon.

In the distance, a woman dressed in black made her way further into the airport. There was not a chance that Nick had mistaken her. It was his Carla, undoubtedly.

He left some money on the cafe table, gathered his things and approached Carla in a fashionable manner. Not wanting to drag attention to either of them.

"Carla" He said sternly, but not scarily. Quietly, but loud enough for her to hear and recognise.

Their gazes met, yet Carla quickly turned away again and continued to walk further away from him.

He, in turn, moved quickly to catch up with her but instead of taking, he merely caught her arm to grab her attention. Nick decided against grabbing her physically so she wouldn't be fearful of his presence.

There was no turning back this time. Nick was closer and kept his hand lightly on top of Carla arm.

"Why are you here?" Carla asked, without looking at Nick directly.

"I could ask you the same question" He responded.

"You know why I am here, don't get smart. Anyway, I asked you first" She in turn, said sternly.

"I came to take you home, with me" Nick replied hesitantly and softly.

Before Carla even had the time to form a response, Nick added, "What's done is done Carla. We can't change that. I know how sorry and apologetic you are and I understand what you are going through. I'm no Saint either"

"I know Nick, but this is it, I can't forget what I done. If we went on, I know I couldn't as I would feel as if something had changed" Carla said, starting to become a little emotional.

"Come on, come take a seat over here and let's talk" Nick said taking Carla's suitcases out of her hands.

"Nick, I'm going to miss my flight" Carla lied.

"There's still time, you wouldn't have came minutes before your flight would you? No course you wouldn't" Nick replied.

"I want you to live my life with me Carla. I don't want to find another woman, I want to be as happy as I am with you til the day I die" Nick added, referring to some things Carla said in her note.

"What are you going to do in LA eh? Start a new business from scratch? What about Underworld? You are still main shareholder" Nick said strongly, chucking many questions at Carla.

"I'll get a job, I know loads of people. And for here, well I'll just sign my shares over to Aidan, it's simple" Carla replied lazily.

"You're being unrealistic here" Nick started before Carla quickly cut him off.

"Do you ever think you are being the unrealistic one?" She snapped loudly.

"I'm the one who made the mistake, the mistake which will haunt me forever and I am really happy for you if you can come to terms with it but I can't. I can't be around Weatherfield knowing what I've done" Carla added, never decreasing in her volume.

"We could move together then, start afresh, away from everyone" Nick replied, taking Carla's hand in his before she quickly removed it.

"Look Nick, I can see how hard your trying to keep us together and how much you want to but I, I don't think I do. I can't look at you knowing what I've done and you know why I can't? It's because if you done it, I don't know how I would feel towards you. I can't use Johnny as an excuse, I mucked up" Carla almost pleaded.

"Say you don't want us to work" Nick stated.

"I don't think we can work" Carla replied, knowing she'd avoided Nicks demand.

"That's not an answer and you know it" Nick pushed again.

Carla hesitated, and hesitated as she just couldn't find the words as they weren't there.

"Nick, I've got to go" She said, reaching over for her suitcases.

Nick just simply looked at her, tears developing but not flowing.

"I love you and always will. I always will, I'm so sorry I ruined our happily ever after. But this, this is goodbye. Bye Nick" Carla added, crying through her words as she placed her engagement on the table in front of Nick, struggling to stay calm in such a traumatic experience.


End file.
